Spirit – (Amos Lee)
“There’s no rhyme or reason why I did it…” What if that wasn’t true…what if instead of saying this same old idiom, that instead we said, “There’s no rhyme, MORE reason why I did it.” But to say that you would have to believe that…and to believe in something you can’t see right away takes something called faith. And what helps us today with faith? The Spirit. The Spirit can ignite your faith and help you find your purpose. Let me explain.
This a story about myself that was just recently told to me by my mom because I have no memory of any of it…Sadly I was used to having nights when I didn’t remember anything…When I started TenDaysInLove I knew I would be opening doors and shedding light on an area of my life that many knew nothing about. I kept one side of myself secret as best I could from the ones who loved me the most. I was recently asked to speak in public on the topic of love and specifically how to show love to the people in your life that are at times the most difficult. As I was preparing to speak I realized that I was that person…I had been the person in my family that made it difficult. My family has loved me unconditionally and always will, and I am thankful for that… We all believe in God’s true love, mercy, grace, and strength that He gives to the weak. I was the weak. Some called me a black sheep but I didn’t care for the names. A black sheep has no real strength, no power, and will always be alone…I learned just how powerless my choices and my desires made me…none of it made sense anymore, everything seemed off in my life, I had no rhythm, there was definitely no rhyme…and I thought there was no reason…but was I wrong about the last question? Was there a reason I went through these dark days? That is the question…
Earlier this year as I finally decided it was time to tell my mother everything…and this time I wanted to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I asked her if she wanted to know what it was that I had been hiding from her over the years…and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to tell my mother. I told her I had been a heavy drug user, and not only that, but a user turned into a dealer. I told her the specific drug too…It’s easier to type that out and I won’t share any more of our conversation but it was something I no longer wanted to keep a secret. By the grace of God I have moved past that time in my life, and God allowed that to happen and He carried me out of it. I say all of this because my question for her was, “When did you know something was wrong with me (because mothers always know) and did you know what it was I was caught up in?” She told me she knew something was wrong with me the minute she saw joy and happiness leave me. She said every time she saw me I had a look that I had lost all my joy…and she began to write a prayer journal for my life. She hasn’t shown me this journal yet but she says it is close to an inch thick…it bringst tears to my eyes and still does when I think about it…(After reading my blog post More Than Conquerors, my mother actually sent me a screenshot of an entry in her prayer journal from 2009/10, strangely from the same time that story took place…she said there were many nights around that time she felt God wake her up and she would stay up praying for me…and she said God gave her promises that He would rescue me…and His timing is always perfect…
She also told me this story…the one I have no memory of…
There is woman in Oxford, MS, who will always be special to me. I try to never name any names in my blogs but I often called her my second mom. I would call her my mom #2. And she took care of me and loved me like I was one of her own. She is the mother of one of my best friends from college. They even let me live with them in Oxford at one time…Well according to my real mom, she said she got a phone call from my mom #2 one night in Oxford…and she said that it was late and that she had ran into me downtown Oxford, MS. She said I had stumbled out of a well known bar and almost falling directly into her arms in tears…she said I looked up at her and said, “Mrs. _____ ….I really need some help…”
Does our lives have purpose? Does God really love each and every single one of us that He has a plan for us? Is there a reason even when there is no rhyme? Simple but strong questions to think about today…
“Walking down Roy street, streets sing a symphony. Ain’t been the hardest way, ain’t had the greatest day. Walking past memory, the pain that she gave me, don’t you know I’m trying to be a bigger man. I just want to feel the Spirit, I just want to feel the Spirit, I just want to feel the Spirit…washing over me. Storm clouds up ahead singing songs of praise, praise the day I got heart that was born to be broken down, oh and free…”
Amos Lee, born Ryan Anthony Massaro, is an American folk/soul singer-songwriter from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. After graduating with an English degree from the University of South Carolina, Lee started his career as a second grade school teacher and a bartender before catching his big break from submitted demos and becoming a signed artist for Blue Note Records. When asked about his new song Spirit from his brand new album just released a week ago, Lee says, “In my journey, I’ve had lots of luck, and great people to help guide me and these songs, but at the core, it’s always about connection, and trying to share souls, to share burdens and joys, and to feel less alone even though we fully know that we are. With music, I’ve found a muse, a home, a ship to sail, a tormentor, and, most importantly, a vessel of connection. I imagine that this street singer had no idea how much his songs meant to me, but from those shadows, in the midst of that chaos, he changed my life. I wanted to pay tribute to him, and to the friends of mine who persevere through the static, the pain, the disappointment, the self doubt, the lost dogs and mixed blessings, and keep creating, singing, and connecting.”
Proverbs 19:21 | Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
“Your problems are never bigger than your purpose, and your start does not determine how you are going to finish.” – Herm Edwards
I love to hear the words from Herm Edwards…I read this one almost daily. God gave him a solid purpose in life…to be a leader. In the same way I love to listen to Herm, I love to listen to God…God speaks to me through His word. He spoke a promise to my mother and to me…and just like she said, His timing is always perfect.
My life, my words, my actions, and my thoughts were all in need of help… and I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason…you hear that all the time, but have you ever really believed that? My mom #2 was placed perfectly in my life by God…it all goes back to the first day I met her son…and God placed her at just the right place at just the right time the night in Oxford…God’s purpose and timing was perfect. My problems were not bigger than His purpose that night…no matter who I had become or what I had done, God’s love prevailed. It always will. This is another one of those moments in my blog that I simply cannot put the answer any better because it is just that simple…pray for the Spirit, and just simply rely on God, put your faith in Him, even if you don’t think you have the power to… just pray for faith. A good prayer to start with if you pray at all today is the verse below…You may think some of the things in your life have no rhyme or reason to them…let me tell you they may seem like they have no rhyme, but they most certainly have reason. Anytime you feel your life as having no rhyme, that is the perfect and truest way to show more reason to have faith. God can and will reveal to you His purpose…He will always prevail…You will face tough trials in life, you may even get off to a terrible start…but God will help you finish strong. Just as Amos Lee sings in his song…sometimes it just “Ain’t been the hardest way, and ain’t had the greatest day” but sometimes we just need and want to feel that Spirit…washing over everything…until we are covered with God’s = LOVE. Nothing is impossible…
(Listen below to Spirit by Amos Lee)
(Feature post photo by Todd Diemer)
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